An Army of Gays

Days 6-12 of The 24 Things Mid-Winter Toss.

My mantra for 2012 is: “One is plenty.” The bath salts and soaks in the cabinet, vitamins, and shoes are all getting used up before I buy another. If items of clothing are not worn for a season, they are given away at the end of that season, with just a few exceptions.

In spite of this, my closet is a mess again. How does it keep happening?  I didn’t purchase a lot of clothing in 2011; a pair of jeans and a couple of sweaters. Yes, one was grey.

Part of the problem is that I am 45 years old, and still have no idea what my style is. If it’s not yoga clothes, I am pretty much, at a loss.

My fashion sense has improved over the last fifteen years. I used to go on dates in a man’s extra large flannel shirt and black leggings.  The flannels have gone, but I am far from a fashion diva.  Many have tried to help and I attempted to absorb the lessons, but I am a slow learner.

I met my husband, Michael, ten years ago. He made me nervous.  He was older than me, never married, and traveled around the world many times.  He spoke obscure African languages, wore cool hats, and sported a beard.

I was in a show, in New York when Michael and I were first dating.  He would come into the city in between his travels and take me out. We were slowly getting to know each other.

Every Wednesday lunch, between shows, was spent with my friend and fellow actor, Adam. He was my trusted confidant. “I wonder if he’s a player”. I confessed over a shared salad.

“Listen sweetie,” Adam said and put his arm around me.  “Just go for it.  See what it’s all about.  If he hurts you, he hurts you, at least you followed your heart.”  “Besides,” He flexed his exposed bicep.  “If he hurts you, call me. I will have an army of gays, up there tomorrow.”

I spent the summer with Adam’s advice. It seemed to be working well. One fall afternoon, Michael and I drove to Maine.  We spent a weekend wandering in and out of shops, eating ice cream and enjoying a pre-child weekend; which you have no idea how much you should be grateful for because once you have a kid you spend all your weekends talking about your child.

“Try this on”.  Michael said and handed me a wool, navy blue, Greek, fisherman’s cap.  I scrunched up my nose shook my head.

“Just try it.” He faced me toward the mirror. I reluctantly pulled the cap over my ponytail. 

“You look adorable.” He said.

“Really? I am not sure.” 

“It looks great. Let me get it for you.” 

The more he used words like adorable and love, the more I believed that I was a hat person.

I yankeded the price tag off and sported my navy fishing cap through the streets of Camden, Maine.  I was sure this new worldly fashion sense was going to work for me.

Tuesday afternoon I returned to New York City. “Nice lid” the stage manager winked and held the door for me. “Thanks!” I breezed down the hallway.

I loved my new hat.

Adam was sitting in my dressing room. “Well?” he raised his eyebrows and grinned. “How was the weekend?”

I sat in front of my mirror and arranged my show make up.  “Fun” I said coyly.

“Oh.” Adam said. His mood darkened. He frowned and moved from the couch to my chair.  I felt panic rise in my throat.  “What?”

He put his arms around my shoulders and hugged me gently. I swallowed my panic  “He knows something bad about this guy.” I thought to my self.

 “Sweetie.” He removed my fishing cap and placed in on the table. “Not in New York.”

I loathed my new hat.

My husband turned out not to be a player. We have a son, who fills up both our lives. But, the problem in my closet still exists. 

My Greek fishing cap sits on a shelf next to my box of stage, false eyelashes.  My fashion sense lays somewhere in between.

Where is that army of gays when you really need them?

Days 6-11: I am working out my confused closet, cleaning out the cabinets in the bathroom and letting go of some stuff that’s just not me.  I will keep the Greek hat though.  It was one of the first gifts my husband gave me and even if it doesn’t work in New York I am sure we will travel somewhere where I’ll fit right in.

Don’t forget Day 12 is your Mid-Toss Ahimsa.  Take a moment, check in with your Sankalpa, and realign. 

Happy tossing.

Are you joining THe 24 Things Challenge? See what it's all about. 

A Revolution in Resolutions

The 24 Things Mid-Winters Toss. Day One: January 1^st 

Sankalpa

The empty boxes are on the curb for recycling.  The vacuum cylinder is coated with sparkles and stray pine needles are strewed about the house. The holiday commotion has settled and it’s the perfect time to appreciate all we have, let go of what weighs us down, and make space for new dreams.

Toss your New Year’s Resolution for 2012.  Instead, try a Sankalpa.  A Sankalpa is a simple but specific intention; a spiritual resolve. Kalpana means, idea, imagination of the mind, creation. 

A Sankalpa, is like a blank canvas and it is a powerful way to start any endeavor.

The difference between it and a New Years Resolution is the direction of the energy, behind the determination.

New Years Resolutions often require that we give something up; sweets or alcohol. The focus is on what we have been doing wrong and implies that we are not enough.   

But, a Salkalpa is centered on what we want to call into our life, the focus shifts to receiving and abundance. It allows your deepest aspiration and doesn’t require that you change who you are. 

Align with your Dharma

Dharma is the desire to be what your soul was meant to be.

When the individual aligns with the universal it is powerful. You know when your life is moving in the right direction; your energy carries and sustains you.

Sometimes our resolutions don’t serve our Dharma. When we force situations to be as we wish, rather than accepting what is, we exhaust our prana and it is likely that you are not in alignment.

A Sankalpa is a connection with this highest truth. Ask yourself; How can I serve my highest potential? Then listen. It takes courage to quiet your mind, tune into your heart and to do what is needed to answer your calling. 

I am, not I want.

Our thoughts create our reality. When we say that we want something we are reinforcing that idea that we don’t have it. We subconsciously remind ourselves that we are lacking, every time we repeat the wish. This makes it impossible to achieve any goal. 

A Sankalpa operates on the premise that we already have all we need to fulfill our Dharma.  If we accept that we are complete, powerful and open, the ego is put aside and we are free to call in our soul’s desire. 

Focus on a positive result. Word your Sankalpa with care, in the affirmative and present- tense; I AM rather than I WANT.

A Sankalpa is not “ I want to make new friends in my community.” Or “I want to be more patience with my child.” It is “I have many new friends in my community.” And “I am a patient, loving, compassionate Mother.”

This slight adjustment makes an immense difference. Imagine your best life, be clear, and remember that where your energy is directed, your future goes.

You are what your deep driving desire is,

As is your desire so is your intention.

As is your intention so is your will.

As is your will so is your deed.

As is your deed so is your destiny.”

Brihadaranyaka Upanishad

An Internal Vow

New Year’s resolutions are often shared and discussed. However, telling a goal makes it less likely to happen. It actually extinguishes our drive.

When others acknowledge our ambitions, the mind tricked into feeling satisfaction and we are less likely to do the work required. The mind mistakes the talking for the doing.

When you keep your promise to yourself, it’s sacred.

Let go

We cannot receive anything until we let go of expectations and actions.  That doesn’t mean that we don’t have desires and goals.  Rather, it means we have a clear view of what the spirit is calling for and faith in the abundance of the Universe.

A Sankalpa is not about achieving a specific thing within a certain time frame. It is broader and far more encompassing than that. It is a steady, internal, energetic shift.

Once you have come to your Sankalpa, every action either supports or undermines your intention. Each choice is an opportunity to strengthen your path.  When you are faced with a decision, don’t act on impulse, and determine if the action will serve your highest truth.

Be clear about what you desire, keep an open mind about outcomes, and sustain effort and faith.

“Once you make a decision the whole world conspires to make it happen.” –Emerson

Now go 24

Today we start our first 24 Things cycle for the year 2012. Let go of one thing each day for the next 24 days. Let go and create freedom, in the home, mind or body, and create a sacred space. Inside this sacred space you can develop the faith that you will be provided for and cherished without the aid of material things.

We are more powerful than we know and can call in the wonderful, when we learn to let go.

Make space in your life for your Sankalpa to enter.

Blog

We have a growing list of bloggers that join in on 24 Things and share their experiences.  If you are blogging let me know. I love hearing about the experiences of others and will link you up to the 24 Things website.

Make a magical New Year.

In The Midst of Gorillas

“The king's name is Gukubita. It means ‘beat’. But don't worry, he beats his chest not his visitors." Our guide Eugene winks, adjusts the automatic rifle on his shoulder, and turns toward the jungle.

We walk up the base of the Sambinyo Volcano to track Gukubita and his family of mountain gorillas.

Rwanda’s volcano region is called the Virunga Mountains and is the place Dian Fossey founded the Karasoke Research Center in 1967 to study and protect the gorillas.

Karasoke protects one third of all mountain gorillas in the Virungas, and because of their efforts the critically endangered population has increased by almost seven hundred.

Eugene’s machete rings out a high Cschringgg, as it strikes the bamboo thicket. The lush, emerald-colored terrain is difficult to navigate. There are no trails, so we walk on top of the vegetation.

I silently wish I remembered my gaiters and gloves, as my limbs scrape against the stinging nettles. Each unsteady step produces a new welt.

We pass three men who live on the volcano by day. They are armed, quiet, and greet us with nods. These men protect the gorillas from hired poachers, who kill the majestic animals for souvenir heads and hands, then sell them as bushmeat. The baby gorillas are taken from their families and sold to exotic animal owners, who focus only on their status in society and not their proper place on the planet.

"Poaching is a big problem in the Republic of Congo,” our guide explains. "But here in Rwanda our animals are protected. We have not had an infant stolen or mother killed in ten years."

I balance on the undergrowth and take in the views. Coffee, potatoes, and bananas grow on terraced hillsides and cows graze in a field below.

Our group halts suddenly. Eugene presses his gloved finger to his lips.

There is movement in the thicket next to me. I startle.

Nestled in the lush green leaves is a black, wrinkled face. A female gorilla sits, five feet from me. She is quiet and calm. Her eyes are the color of burnt umber, wizened by thousands of long, star-lit nights on the volcano. She holds my gaze and I well up.

Desikashar said, “Yoga exists in the world because everything is linked.”
The gorilla climbs a few inches up the hillside to an open space. She faces us and reveals her baby. The three-month old clings to his mother’s belly and she cradles him with one arm. I imagine that she is proud to introduce us. She turns and disappears into the vines.

I feel allied to this Mother. I think of the first time I heard my son’s heartbeat in the doctor’s office. That moment flicked a switch inside my heart. I thought, “This is God.”

I cannot fathom how any person could harm her and take that baby away.

Eugene clears his throat and growls. "I am telling Gukubita, the king, that we mean no harm."

Gukubita echoes the call. "We can enter now," Eugene tells us. "Remember do not run if you are frightened. If he beats his chest, slowly crouch down on your knees to show respect."

We enter a cave of bamboo. I hear throaty grunts above us. Another mother and baby lounge in a hammock-like nest. When they move a shower of dried leaves and twigs lands on our heads.

Gukubita lays on the ground chewing. His onyx coat shimmers in the sunlight. He surveys our group and seems comfortable, even tolerant, in spite of our intrusion.

I snap photographs and inch closer. He yawns, his tongue and teeth stained black. I stand ten feet away with my friend Laura, a filmmaker who stares over her viewfinder, mesmerized. Gukubita’s imposing size contradicts his mild spirit.

Eugene grunts again and Gukubita answers.

He yawns one last time and then begins his show. He reaches for a bamboo shoot and pulls himself upward. He measures six feet tall and 350 pounds. His dark hands curl into fists as he inhales. Then he roars, pounds his chest, and rushes toward us.

I lower my camera, drop to my knees, and avert my eyes to ensure the king knows I have no intention of challenging him. I recoil at the high-pitched sound of bamboo snapping. My fingers tremble as I reach out and hold Laura's hand. Then silence.

"You can look at him," Eugene whispers.

Gukubita poses on all fours at arms length from me. I resist a foolish urge to reach out and touch his silver shoulder. His breath mists from his nose. He waits as I attempt to take a photo with shaky hands. He repeats the grunt and sigh that means he accepts us and wanders off into the thicket.

Yoga teaches us that true personal strength is neither passive nor oppressive. We can only know authentic power when we find the balance between these two. This king is a yogi.
He earns our respect in a calm, direct manner. He demonstrates that his duty is to protect his family and that he will only wield his power if necessary.

I can no longer feel the stinging on my ankles and wrists. I stand in silent awe. Laura peels my fingers from her hand and laughs, “You can let go now."

The animals allow us to view their world. We witness babies in their mothers' arms, playful youths swing from branches in the distance, and our king sits high in the trees surveying it all. He effortlessly demolishes bamboo trees as he lowers the food toward his throne.

I wonder what the poachers are feeling as they approach such a beast. They must be terrified that he will pummel them.

Suddenly, I understand their desperation. They have no options. The power in their lives is unbalanced, so aggression is a means to feed their families.

Desikashar is right. We are linked. I have as much to learn from the poachers as from the King. We cannot choose to what we are inexorably connected, but each connection can lead us to empathy and understanding. This is God.

Gukubita assesses his family and their surroundings, then satisfied, he lays back in a bed of green, closes his eyes and goes to sleep.

I send a silent thank you from my heart, and wonder if the gorillas feel a relationship to us-- hairless, trembling creatures, who seek to capture the moment with black lenses in front of our eyes.

My guide whispers, “God roams the world but comes to rest in these mountains.”

Day 24: Give Up Hope

I don’t like being upside down and backwards.  This makes handstand a challenge for me.  I don’t trust that my fellow students can hold me steady, while I substitute my hands for feet. It’s a reflection of my own limited thinking, not an accurate assessment of their competence.

Still, I try. I go to class and take it step by step. First, I achieved headstand, which I couldn’t do a year ago. It’s a stepping-stone to the goal of handstand.

I have found that the key to achieving any difficult pose is to give up hope.

A fellow 24 participant, named Christianne, sent me an email.  She wrote; “On day one I accidentally gave up hope, but I got it back again.” Her Mom, whom she calls Nana, was ill and she was scared.

I wrote her and told her that she needed to toss hope back in the give away pile.

Hope is disempowering.  It implies that all our eggs in someone else's basket and that our input is minimal. But, faith is different. Fostering faith cultivates the small things that nourish and strengthen us.

Both values stem from desire, but desire without self-knowledge, strength, and balance can hurt us.

Years ago, when I was new to yoga, I watched students pop themselves up, into headstands. I joined in, hoping I could do it too.  I plopped my head down and force kicked my legs up. I fell and damaged my neck.

It is important to be grounded and centered before reaching for our desire or we will be knocked off balance.

Hope looks to the goodness of something outside of ourselves to come and help us. It coaxes the mind into the future. Faith thrives in truth and understanding. It comes from within and roots us in the present.

Anusara Yoga teaches us that the first step to achieving your desire is to “open to grace”. If you open your heart, and put faith the alignment principles of yoga, anything is possible. I can achieve my headstand with a forced kick or I can find my center and hug the heart open. I can come to the midline, and engage the belly; which is Manipura, the third Chakra and root of all desires. This level of connection and awareness allows the core lift the legs, almost effortlessly.

Christianne sent out a Facebook post, asking her friends to send cards to her Mom. “She adores cards.” She opened to grace with the faith that those who care for her would extend themselves and that small kindness, would fill her mother with happiness.

Faith aligns us with a higher consciousness. It shows us that we have the power to create change.

Christianne’s mom passed away last week. Her bedside table covered with cards; many of them, from people she didn’t even know. She passed away with the faith that her daughter had a loving support system to help her through a difficult time.

I believe that when someone dies, a spark of their energy jumps onto everyone they loved. This enables them to know us better now than they did when they were alive because that fragment of them, now sees the world through our eyes and feels through our spirit.

That spark continues to glow, expressing itself through each of us. What we learned from them and loved about them-- can be expressed in the way we move through the world in honor of that person.

This faith eases those upside-down moments in life.  It helps us achieve a balance between grief and the joy of loving someone dearly. It gives us the knowledge that our friends can steady us in difficult times.

Desire requires a leap of faith not hope. Hope is the façade of fatalism. Faith is the core of self-determination.

So, on our 24^th day, in honor of Nana, lets give up hope and make space for faith.

If weíre willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be 
exterminated, then we can have  the courage to relax with the 
groundlessness of our situation.  This is the first step on the path.

~Pema Chodron

Thanks to all of you who joined in, let go, and shared your experiences with us. See you January 1st!

The 24 Things Autumn Surrender

The 24 Things Clearing Challenge .  Create your inspired future.

Join us on Saturday October 1, 2011 for the second installment of 24 Things. You don’t even have to leave home.

Letting go can be a challenge. We sometimes feel that we are defined by our possessions or are the sum of our experiences.

When you let go and create freedom, whether it be in the home, mind or body, you create a sacred space. Here you can develop the faith that you will be provided for and cherished without the aid of material things.

Make room for your best life.

The Challenge:
Every day, let go of one thing in your home and give it to charity, a friend or the trash can. You can start anywhere you like. You can tend to things in need or repair, clean out one drawer, or en entire basement. Wherever you decide to start, you will be amazed what you uncover about yourself in the process.

How to begin:
Day one: focus on what you want to call into your life, write it down in a journal or post it to a dream wall.
Try to keep it positive. Instead of writing “I want to lose 20 pounds” you might say, “I want a healthier, lighter body that allows me to live with more freedom.
The 24 Things experience allows us to call in what serves our highest potential as the clutter in our lives, hearts and minds falls away.

The Rules:
1: No purchases for the next 24 days. You can only buy necessities. If you see something you want, start a list. If, at the end of the 24 days, you still desire it, then go on and splurge. Chances are you wont even remember what it was you wanted.
2: ONE THING each day. Focus on letting go of one item or group of items each day. A daily practice retrains the mind, redirects the your subtle energy, and establishes a new way of thinking.
Resist the urge to pick 24 items and dump them in the first week.
3: Every day you will either nourish something that serves your highest good or let go of something that hinders it.
3: Share. Log onto The 24 Things and share your thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you.
4: Namaste~