A Sleepless Night
Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 8:36AM I struggled with this month’s blog. I have 3 semi-finished compositions on my desktop and was unable to complete any of them. One was about silence; another was about quieting the mind and looking within to find Truth and the third about self-expression. Now I sit here in the middle of the night in the dark. The house is quiet, aside from the rhythmic breathing of my dog and the steady tapping of my fingers on the keyboard.
It is 2 AM. My chattering mind awakened me with thoughts of unfinished work and as I lay wishing on sleep, my thoughts turned to a man laying in a hospital bed in Boston and another walking the streets of Germany with a sore hip.
The man in the hospital is my brother. He has leukemia and it has been a long struggle. It has been a different kind of effort for his wife, young son, and all the people who love him.
Last week he received a bone marrow transplant from a young man whom he has never met. All he knows about his donor is that he is in his twenties and lives in Germany. They cannot know each other’s names for one year but this stranger sent an unsigned letter; in it he said “I am sorry you are not well and I hope that this will helps you to live”.
No reason for this gift was given. No payment of eternal thanks was expected.
He may have given the ultimate gift of life, but the truth is, he gave more than that. He offers the gift of hope and a renewed belief in the human spirit. I believe now more than ever that at their core people are good and given the chance will do extraordinary things.
This man renews my sense that we truly are all one and the suffering or joy of a single person can have effect around the world. We have an obligation to be kind to each other, in small ways, every day and the results of these actions extend further that we can ever understand.
I have made an effort to learn my lessons well during my brother’s struggle. I am learning that it is a powerful feeling to take control of the small things that I am able to and an even more mighty is knowing what I cannot have power over and releasing it.
I am learning how buoyant hope feels without the weight of expectation. I am learning to stay in the present moment and to be grateful for the small joys found within it. I am learning that people want to be of service and that helping others adds meaning to our lives.
Assisting someone can be as simple as offering a yoga class or prayers out to a stranger or as big as giving them blood.
Countless people take time out of their day to babysit for my son or share bone marrow transplant success stories. They hand over the keys to their lake house, send thoughtful cards and emails or just give an open healing hug. My husband puts aside his work twice week to shoot hoops with my nephew and keep him busy and happy for a few hours. Three months ago, when my brother was in the ICU a cousin of mine showed up at the hospital, with a cooler filled with the fixing for hot fudge sundaes and dished them out to everyone sitting the dank, dreary waiting room. I saw this generous act light up their eyes and get them talking to each other.
We are all seeking a way to connect. We have an instinct that we are all together in this life but unsure of how to express the unity to one another. Every action is powerful.
The act of reaching out to another person allows our hearts to flourish; reminding us that we are truly all one and by helping another we help ourselves to heal and grow. And the circle never ends.
These acts no matter how big or small are what lead us to our calling. I have learned that we should not ask how life might serve us but how we might serve life.
I can sleep now. I can see those three unfinished blogs were leading me to this one. My home is quiet, my dog is asleep, I have looked inward, expressed this month’s truth and I have a grateful mind.
Reader Comments (15)
AMEN COUSIN. You are such a beautiful soul.
Hey Cousin....I was just talking with Kimmy on the phone when your blog post arrived in my mailbox. I read it aloud with Kimmy, and together we cried and smiled inwardly for the beauty and truth in your words.
The older I get, the more strongly I feel the need to make a difference with my life, and your words perfectly expressed why it is so important to do this and how it can not only help others, but in the process will make my life infinitely richer!
I am so proud of where you are in your journey, of all of the positive you put out into the world and of the inspiration you give me and countless others to be the best we can be!
I love you...thank you for the inspiration!!
xoxo Chris
This is wonderful and beautifully written-have to say I didn't know you could write so well..made me cry. I love you!
Every action and word IS powerful. I believe in random acts of kindness. It all comes right back at us doesn't it. I will send prayers out for your brother, your family and for the man with the sore hip.. Thank you for the great post.
When life is beautiful, we seem to think that all is going well and we believe we are happy.
Perhaps another way to recognize how beautiful “Life Is” .. is when we have the opportunity to “make it beautiful” no matter what the circumstances.
You have shared you thoughts so clearly, recognizing the small and thoughtful things we do daily, expecting nothing in return is a gift to ourselves.
Granpa said of his father, when questioned about living to be 100 years old, what wisdom did he live by: he said his Dad would always say “do good and forget about it” and be sad for those who don’t”. Simple words so well reflected in your blog.
Keep sharing with us, love ya.
Thanks for sharing that Marylee. You are an amazing woman and a dear friend. Love, Faeth
Well written and truly spoken from your heart. Your words reflect--for me--the condition of your soul. One that is sincere and genuine.
Marylee, this was so beautifully written......it made me cry.
You are such a beautiful, caring and loving soul.
It makes me proud to call you Cousin!
When my final day comes I hope I can go with the peace of knowing
I have made a positive difference in the lives of others.
To give of ourselves, in order to help others, is a wonderful gift we
give to ourselves.
I love you!
Beautiful & hopeful thoughts elegantly put.
Sending my prayers for your brother his family and all those who are helping.
Thank you for your inspirational posting, Marylee. You remind us of what is truly important in life. Sending healing prayers, love and gratitude, Willa
Beautifu! Thank you for the reminder that life is short and that you must live it to your best. It is during these difficult times that we are reminded in our "busy lives" to reevaluate and remember what is really important. We all know the answer...health, family, friends. Much love, Caroline
So much wisdom to have learned so early in life. Thank you for sharing such deep emotions. Love you, Mamma S
Sometimes life goes by so fast and we are so busy in just trying to keep up with all the craziness it brings. Working, school, raising a family, driving to sports practices and games, wondering when I am I going to fit in the time to call that special someone and let them know that I was thinking about them for over a month. It takes a situation like Andy's to remind us to pull in the reins and take a deep long look at what is important in our lives. What is the footprint that I want to leave behind for my kids to build upon? I want them to remember the importance of taking time out for those that we love, take the time to do something wonderful for some unexpecting person without waiting for priase; to "pay it forward" and to see the ripple affects that it could make all around them. I want them to be kind, caring and compassionate. That incredible man in Germany probably didn't realize how many ripples he was going to create by donating his blood. Andy will be receiving the physical healing, but for others like me, we have benefited from his gift too. I am grateful for this pause in my crazy life! My prayers, thoughts and love remain with you and your family daily. Give everyone kisses, hugs and love from me. I hope to see you all soon...
-cousin Laura xo
Marylee, I think you are a great writer. You have a way with words. In some ways the pictures you present are probably even better than what happened in real life. I really enjoy reading your comments and stories. Kirk
Thanks so much for sending me a link to this page, Marylee. As many others have commented, you have a gift with words. I especially appreciate your thoughts on connecting -- "we have an instinct that we are all together in this life but unsure of how to express the unity to one another."
I never needed a bone marrow transplant when I went through my treatment, but
I hope your brother is doing well, this many months after his transplant.